"A long habit of not thinking something wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right"
Thomas Paine
Despite the fact that a minority of people live in what is referred to as a "traditional family structure" (man, woman, biological children), nearly every American has this traditional definition of family enshrined in our collective consciousness. Until now. Last week, the Supreme Court of the United States shattered that inaccurate consciousness once and for all. Children now born into our society will grow up with a new collective consciousness - One that no longer defines "family" based on outdated norms with respect to "sex" and "gender". This new generation will come of age in a society that accepts numerous forms of family. That is the legacy of these landmark rulings that pave the way for the legal and social recognition of marriages between two people of the same sex.
What this means for society is that there will no longer be a “tiered” understanding of what family means. Society will let go of the notion that the best family is Example #1, the next best family is Example #2, and so on. We can now focus on the real definition and benefit of family - people who love each other, support each other, care for each other and who can provide a sanctuary from the often cruel realities of a seemingly heartless world. We've always known this is what a modern family is, but we got stuck into thinking that this also depended on "sex" and "gender". We mistakenly believed that a family needs a man and a woman in order to be complete. As Thomas Paine said: we believed this to be true, because we never considered it wrong - until now.
The research is clear. Same-sex parents are capable of producing as well-adjusted, intelligent and healthy children as their opposite-sex counterparts. What is also clear is that all families need support, financial resources and social acceptance. The variables that determine a family's chances for success have nothing to do with the sex of the parents. Yes, the children of same-sex parents will encounter hostility, prejudice and discrimination, but not because of their parents' sexual orientation, but rather because of the unfair (and now, in many cases, illegal) social barriers and stigma same-sex families face. The Supreme Court, by using the power of justice and the rule of law, did the only thing they could do - take the necessary steps toward removing these discriminatory practices against GLBT persons and families headed by same-sex parents. A similar ruling nearly 50 years ago paved the way for persons of differing races to legally marry, and by doing so began to unravel the prejudice and discrimination that accompanied different-race relationships, and the children those unions produced.
So, what is best for society is to cherish, recognize, support and nurture families in whatever structure they present themselves as long as the family members are loved, supported, cared for, and provided a haven for the appropriate human development society needs in all people. That's how we move forward, and that's how we create a better society for everybody.
Be kind to yourself and to each other.
© Copyright 2013 Douglas Layer, LMHC
What this means for society is that there will no longer be a “tiered” understanding of what family means. Society will let go of the notion that the best family is Example #1, the next best family is Example #2, and so on. We can now focus on the real definition and benefit of family - people who love each other, support each other, care for each other and who can provide a sanctuary from the often cruel realities of a seemingly heartless world. We've always known this is what a modern family is, but we got stuck into thinking that this also depended on "sex" and "gender". We mistakenly believed that a family needs a man and a woman in order to be complete. As Thomas Paine said: we believed this to be true, because we never considered it wrong - until now.
The research is clear. Same-sex parents are capable of producing as well-adjusted, intelligent and healthy children as their opposite-sex counterparts. What is also clear is that all families need support, financial resources and social acceptance. The variables that determine a family's chances for success have nothing to do with the sex of the parents. Yes, the children of same-sex parents will encounter hostility, prejudice and discrimination, but not because of their parents' sexual orientation, but rather because of the unfair (and now, in many cases, illegal) social barriers and stigma same-sex families face. The Supreme Court, by using the power of justice and the rule of law, did the only thing they could do - take the necessary steps toward removing these discriminatory practices against GLBT persons and families headed by same-sex parents. A similar ruling nearly 50 years ago paved the way for persons of differing races to legally marry, and by doing so began to unravel the prejudice and discrimination that accompanied different-race relationships, and the children those unions produced.
So, what is best for society is to cherish, recognize, support and nurture families in whatever structure they present themselves as long as the family members are loved, supported, cared for, and provided a haven for the appropriate human development society needs in all people. That's how we move forward, and that's how we create a better society for everybody.
Be kind to yourself and to each other.
© Copyright 2013 Douglas Layer, LMHC
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